Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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