I heard we made out
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
how does that bad decision feel?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
