My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize