My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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