Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize