you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
