you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
