Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize