My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
