Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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