I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
