My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
