just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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