His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
