I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
