So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize