Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize