She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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