I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
