the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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