i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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