then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
