dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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