He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
