Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
