Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I love having hate sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
