No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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