shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
