I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
