Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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