Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
