The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
