It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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