My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize