That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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