i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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