Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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