Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
