Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
