problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
