If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
