I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize