I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize