That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you bring me the toilet please
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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