Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
