Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
