blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
