smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
