For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
