Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
