you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
