I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
