Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
