So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
