so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
