You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just threw up on my dentist
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
