I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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