you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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