i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
