I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
