Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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