wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
