You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize