Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize