break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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