Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
