Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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