After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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