dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
