Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
