grandma shit on top of the toilet
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sarcasm needs its own font
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
